It’s War !

Statehood quest at U.N.

2011-09-24T10:12:00.001-04:00

Binjamin Netanyahu was in New York this week, meeting with European and U.S. officials before his speech to the United Nations General Assembly Friday.

After boasting of having a signet ring with his name on it, Netanyahu announced that he had formally submitted a request to the U.N. to recognize Israel as a "militant Jewish" state that is only 7 miles wide.

Then, he promised, Israel would fully and openly recognize Palestine as a "militant Islamic" state that can not be allowed to exist on Israel's borders.

"Israel is only 7 miles across," Mr Netanyahu kvetched, adding that many Jews were killed in Europe in the last century, culminating centuries of scapegoating and persecution. "So someone please tell me, how can the Jew be the bad guy?" he challenged the audience.

Palestinian Christians and Israeli Muslims were subdued in their responses to his offer.

An Israeli Defense Forces spokeswoman would not reveal where they are being held, but assured reporters that the IDF has provided them a candle in the darkness.

Vegas Law Firm Buys Rights to Govt Communications

2010-12-03T09:15:00.004-05:00

It's a twist that could be the turning point in the U.S. government's battle against WikiLeaks. The shady organization run by Aussie Julian Assange -- who is in hiding to avoid arrest under a Swedish miscegenation charge -- must now face copyright complaints in a Nevada court.

Well-known copyright troll Righthaven has bought the copyrights to the material published last week by Wikileaks, and has filed several complaints against Wikileaks in U.S. District Court in Las Vegas.

Each complaint claims harm to Righthaven's right to profit from the now-copyrighted material and demands a default judgment of $150,000, surrender of the WikiLeaks domain name, and payment of attorneys' feed.

Although in previous cases, Righthaven has settled out of court for a few thousand dollars -- with defendants recognizing that it would be even more expensive to prove the charges as spurious -- CEO Steve Gibson promises this case will be different.

"This is about more than defending our property rights and receiving just compensation for the use of our creative work. In this case, it's about defending our freedom," Gibson said.

"Publicizing the workings of our sovereign government so that anyone and everyone can read it is a direct attack on our democracy," Gibson added. "We will not entertain any offer of settlement and look forward to demanding justice in court."

State Department spokesman P.J. Crowley defended the decision to sell its communications to Righthaven.

"Theft of our diplomats' work will not be tolerated as anything less than the anarchic threat to our sovereign rights that it is," Crowley said. "These cables belong to the U.S. government, not to Wikileaks or any other so-called media outlet."

"They are proprietary communications, and they are now copyrighted to protect the free American people from having to see them," he added.

Wikileaks, currently found on the web at http://88.80.13.160, http://213.251.145.96, and http://46.59.1.2, did not reply to calls to explain themselves.

New service doubles your gas mileage

2010-10-16T16:36:00.000-04:00

A Vermont entrepreneur has figured out a way to turn the state's mountainous terrain from a gas-mileage detriment into an asset.

Martin Bradford of Essex offers a service to commuters that could double their gas mileage.

A former truck driver, Bradford got his idea last year while driving a load of new cars to a South Burlington dealer: Why not carry commuters in the same way?

"Almost every drive in Vermont is significantly uphill or downhill on balance," Bradford told us in a recent telephone interview. "Wouldn't it be great if you could somehow drive only in the downhill direction?"

In short, commuters who use Bradford's service determine which direction is mostly uphill, and for less than they would have paid for the gas to drive it themselves, Bradford carries them and their cars in a customized trailer.

"The result has been impressive," gushed Phil McBigger, who drives home to Charlotte from work but rides in Bradford's trailer for the morning commute to Montpelier. "My gas mileage has literally doubled! It's a win-win: We still have our freedom, but we can also do so much at the same time to help save the planet."

News shorts, April 2010

2010-04-28T17:44:00.004-04:00

1. Supreme Court accepts Catholic Church abuse case

The Catholic Church may have found a way out of its abuse scandals. The United States Supreme Court agreed Friday to hear an appeal based on freedom of religion grounds. The New York Times praised the move, editorializing Saturday that exoneration of the priests would be a welcome triumph for the "respectful treatment of the First Amendment".

2. To save schools, Vermont makes abortion illegal

Putting the public good above a few vocal opponents, the Vermont legislature this week imposed the strictest anti-choice laws in the nation. Lawmakers expect a court challenge, but are confident that the right to a robust public school system overrides other concerns. Alison Clarkson (D—Woodstock) stated, "this is an opportunity for us to recapture -- if decreased enrollment is one of our challenges -- an opportunity ... that really encourages kids to go to school in Vermont". The Burlington Free Press praised the new law, editorializing that women who terminate their pregnancies effectively "abandon public schools and take taxpayer money with them [which] undermines the public schools and multiplies the system's financial challenges". The bill was quickly signed by governor Jim Douglas (R) at a ceremony in Education Commissioner Armando Vilaseca's office.

Vermont legalizes cooties

2009-04-07T14:08:00.001-04:00

Despite the tearing of hair, trembling lips, and outright tantrums of opponents, the Vermont legislature today overrode the governor's veto and legalized cooties.

Nervously, proponents of the bill followed the roll call and tallied the votes. But it was too close to be sure, until the speaker read the official count: 100 to 49.

After calling the chamber to order, the speaker adjourned for lunch. He was then seen reaching out to the minority leader and shouting "cooties!" The minority leader waved his crossed fingers in front of him as he recoiled in disgust and horror before fleeing for safety to his clubhouse.

Other legislators and the mobs of supporters followed the speaker's example and chased opponents around the statehouse and through the streets of Montpelier.

One of the leaders in the fight against legalizing cooties, Bill Brosseure, later issued a statement from an undisclosed location that this bill was a disgrace to the very foundation of civilization. "No deer camp will ever be the same", he warned.

The governor explained his veto of such a popular bill as a statement of principle against admitting the possibility that cooties is not something to fear. "On the contrary," he told an AP correspondent, "cooties is the work of the devil and I worry that this bill will drive many young people away to cooties-free places when we are trying so hard to keep them in state where I need to also protect them from a nickel gas tax."

Cooties advocates scoffed. "Cooties is already here. Come September 1, no longer will the right to vote require a hypocritical and much-abused anti-cooties pledge. This will benefit everyone, whether they supported this bill or not."

With the cooties business past them, legislators will next take up a bill revoking the traditional "certificate of heterosexuality" that has long defined marriage in the state.

War Effort Must Increase, Says AWEA

2008-11-20T17:21:00.001-05:00

NIMBYs stand in way of full potential of war effort.

In a strongly worded statement today, the American War Effort Association (AWEA) denounced as "NIMBY" -- not in my back yard -- people around the world who question the benefits of invasion and occupation by AWEA troops.

"There is a minority of loud voices in these communities -- mostly agitators from outside -- and they are determined to deny others the economic and environmental benefits that we bring," said Vandall Schittz, outgoing CEO of AWEA, commenting on the official statement.

"They frankly just make things up as they try to infect the rest of the people with their fear of change," Schittz continued. "We're tired of pretending to work with them, getting them involved as stakeholders so we can get what we want -- what the world demands and needs. They refuse to listen to reason and persist in repeating outlandish myths that have been proven wrong again and again."

One of those myths is the claim that bulldozing a neighborhood to remove threats to the free flow of AWEA resources harms the people living there or degrades their habitat. The AWEA notes that for every block they clear, they build even more residences elsewhere. And in time, life returns to the rubble after the initial disturbance.

Critics of AWEA not only claim negative impacts, they also question the value of this type of war effort.

"People are forced out of their homes, suffer long-term health effects, the environment is drastically altered for the worse, and we are told that this is necessary to bring progress and prosperity. So where is the prosperity? Where is the progress?" asked Barney Johns, an advocate representing Citizens United against Neoliberal Terrorism.

"It is only the AWEA that benefits," Johns answered. "They can not point to a single trend that has clearly improved because of their efforts. And when their victims point to what they and their communities and the environment have suffered, AWEA and their abettors can only call them names."

Schittz stressed that their war efforts still represent a very small fraction of the world's violent change, and that the benefits will be more and more undenied as they continue to overcome the naysayers.

Veronika Dare, taking over as CEO from Schittz in January, added: "One thing the NIMBYs make clear is that we need to redouble our efforts and commit to real change.

"With a new administration and congress in Washington, we hope the NIMBYs will finally be silenced. It's time to wind this thing up."

Smart Choice campaign slides into bitterness

2008-05-07T14:53:00.007-04:00

Hillary Clinton's nationwide campaign on behalf of Smart Choice margarine, to raise money for a possible run for the presidency in 2012, has run into well researched criticism.

Yesterday, the consumer watchdog Not On The Face revealed that the Smart Choice tag line, "I can't believe it's not bitter", does not match the facts.

After a year of research, Not On the Face concluded that Smart Choice is, in fact, quite bitter.

"Nonsense!" said Clinton associate Hillary Clinton. "That's just the kind of attacks we've come to expect. But the American people are still buying it. They don't need a bunch of experts to tell them what to think. They know that Smart Choice will help them achieve their goals, which is why I'm proud to fight for this product."

This reporter performed an informal survey of her own, offering a random selection of shoppers at a local supermarket samples of Smart Choice on unsalted crackers. Despite clear signs of discomfort with the flavor, many people insisted it was not bitter and that what upset them was the imputation that it was.

"I just don't like some big-city researcher coming in here and telling us it's bitter," said Olive Patoineczs, expressing what seemed to be common feeling. "I've seen what they offer, funny-colored margarine with a weird foreign name."

"We don't need no other brand. This one is just fine," offered Mic Sandwin after washing down the sample with a full bottle of Blu-Vida-Wada. "I'd call it milk and honey, peaches and cream, I'd eat it straight for breakfast lunch and dinner. 'Cause I would never like anything different. I'm proud to be what I am, and forgive me for acting like it."

Smart Choice has been forced by the report to cancel most of its advertising, but company rep Hillary Clinton is continuing with her scheduled appearances.

"This product isn't going away, and neither am I. It's a question of fairness to make sure everyone in America has a chance to say with me: 'Yes! it's not bitter.'"

"But it is," concluded Chas Fickling of Not On The Face. "There are better choices out there, ones that are really what they claim to be."

"Good riddance!" said one shopper in this reporter's survey. "It'll be a great day when Smart Choice is no longer on the shelves and we can stop pretending it was so great."

"Lapel pin" questions dog Obama

2008-04-19T16:08:00.004-04:00

Viewers were shocked during Tuesday night's Democratic debate on ABC when Nash McCabe, a 52-year-old from Latrobe, Pa., asked Senator Barack Obama why he is black.

Clearly flustered, Obama attempted to reassure McCabe that he has indeed been black for all of his adult life, but that did not make him less American or less patriotic.

Asked later about her question, Ms. McCabe said that "Obama just rubs me the wrong way."

"It started with the lapel pin, like he's ashamed of the flag. And he's just so nonchalant about his success that this country has given him as a black person. White people don't have it so easy. I would like to see a lot more gratitude. I think Americans deserve it."

In a conference call to reporters the next day, Senator Hillary Clinton's campaign came to Obama's defense. "Just because he's black doesn't mean he's not as patriotic as real Americans like Nash McCabe", said Howard Wolfson. "But it does mean he has a greater burden to prove it, and his refusal to do so is arrogant, disrespectful, and frankly patronizing."

In cable commentary, Pat Buchanan noted that all great societies in history have fetishized their flags. "How do you instigate real change? You create a myth, and you create symbols. Mussolini had his fasces, Hitler had his swastika. You knew where you stood when a government functionary was wearing a swastika lapel pin."

According to Lou Dobbs, the very impudence of Obama's candidacy is distasteful. "I love the flag!" exclaimed Dobbs. "I love our country and its heritage. What Senator Obama needs to understand is that he's a guest here. If he continues to act like he somehow deserves to be the leader of the greatest nation the world has ever known, he's in great danger of becoming just another bitter negro, like Jeremiah Wright."

"Like I said," repeated Nash McCabe, "that Obama, if that's his real name, just annoys me."

Wolfson added, "Obama needs to drop out before something happens to him. He is hurting his own reputation by thinking he's better than he is, better than true Americans like Nash McCabe."

Asked why Senator Clinton does not wear an American flag on her lapel, Wolfson pointed out that as a lifelong white woman, nobody doubts her patriotism. "Or mine," he hastily added.

Vermont leads way in public-private health insurance

2007-12-10T13:10:00.000-05:00

The state of Vermont has embraced the problem of providing health care. Dubbed "Catamount Care", the solution seeks to include not just the currently uninsured but also the insurance companies that count on profits from the current system.

"The way things were going, the state was providing affordable coverage to more and more Vermonters", said Gaye Symington, spokeswoman for the Speaker of the House, a Democrat. "But that shouldn't be our job. Vermonters agree that it's worth paying a little more to put that business where it belongs."

"We don't believe in punishing companies for not finding it profitable enough to provide services to the less rich. Catamount Care will divert state funds from a variety of sources to pay those companies to sign up Vermont's working families", Symington continued.

Now Vermont's lone representative in the U.S. House, Democrat Peter Welch was leader of the Vermont Senate when Catamount Care was hammered out. He agrees with Symington. "Vermonters chose the Democrats to lead because we understood their demand for universal health care as a right, one enjoyed by the people of almost every other nation in the world, both industrialized and undeveloped. Our duty to them was responsibly balanced with our duty to the system already in place. It would have been simple to step in with an expanded state insurance program -- on the model of Medicare -- to provide what private insurers could not and at a much lower cost. But that's inherently unfair and wouldn't fix the problem of letting the market work."

"Vermonters deserve the chance to choose their own plan", said Welch from Washington. "We trust the people and although it isn't perfect, we are more than pleased with our compromise of paying insurance companies to target the working families of Vermmont."

As biannual elections loom next year in Vermont, the governor and legislators are already positioning themselves to build on the success of Catamount Care. Current Senate leader Peter Shumlin promised to examine other state and town expenditures and services for similar public-private partnerships.

"We could help a lot of businesses while also giving Vermonters more control over their own lives", Shumlin said in a cellphone interview while he was out hunting deer.

"This time next year, look for the opportunity to pay for your own police and fire protection, your own school enrollment, your own road repair and plowing. Why should the folks in Montpelier tell you where to spend your own money? These services are too important to let Montpelier be the only choice."

Shumlin continued: "The state is there to help a few deserving poor, not to provide what working families can, should, and want to buy for themselves to help the companies whose profits keep our economy vibrant. These are exciting times to be a Vermonter!"

"It will also lower taxes!" added Republican governor Jim Douglas in support of the legislators' plans. "We can be proud to say that your hard-earned income is going to be going to vital companies that make Vermont a great place to live and work and raise a family instead of bureaucrats in Montpelier and Waterbury."

Douglas's office admitted later that Catamount-style services will cost more, and that some people will not be as well served, but that freedom which you can't put a price on is worth it. "Those individuals who choose not to participate will be making it more expensive for everyone else, and we will have to look into how to appropriately deal with those elements who stand in the way of our love of liberty", his office said.

Symington added: "If we offer this package and people refuse to take advantage of it, then I don't know what more we can do. We will have to consider forcing them somehow to sign up with one of these companies."

Dummocrats join Rebubbacans to defend Betrayus

2007-09-21T21:16:00.000-04:00

Carnage of war continues apace.

In new video, "bin Laden" calls on U.S. to bomb Iran

2007-09-10T17:20:00.001-04:00

Faced with widespread doubt about the wisdom of attacking Iran, the White House today unveiled a new video starring their "Osama bin Laden" character.

Although previous productions have shown "bin Laden" as deteriorating in health and withering with age, the new video shows him robust and looking younger. The White House publicity department said this was necessary to recharge the fear of terrorism that is necessary for spreading democracy.

The potentially more threatening "bin Laden" of this latest video production, however, encourages the U.S. to stop the spreading influence of revolutionary Iran.

Listing examples of the leftist ideology of Iran's president Ahmadinejab, "bin Laden" praises all religious, both Christian and Muslim, resistance to "Shiite fascism" and the "idols of false hope and security".

President Bush's publicist stated, "that although it pains the president to agree with a murderous delusional madman, this 'bin Laden' is right that we can no longer tolerate Iran's predations that threaten peace and freedom everywhere."

She continued, "We also urge the Iranian people to spurn the superstitious cult of their leaders and embrace true religion. Of course our greatest wish is that they will invite us into their living rooms and marketplaces peacefully, but let there be no doubt that we will bomb our way in if necessary to protect our freedom."

President names pun to take over Iraq command

2007-01-29T12:32:00.000-05:00

In an effort to underscore the cynical manner in which he has led the invasion and occupation of Iraq, U.S. President Bush has named a pun to enforce his "new" push to bring "order" to "Baghdad."

Answering the call, General David Betray-us will now shoulder the burden of pretending that Bush's plans in Iraq are working. The selection of Betray-us has not filled critics of the Iraq occupation with confidence.

"Better him than me, though," said most law-makers, when cornered in the executive lavatories trying to wash their hands. "Nothing we can do. Give 'em enough rope is still our policy."

In related news, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez admitted yesterday that the Justice Department is maintaining secret dossiers on all members of Congress. He explained that the program is to protect the legislators from harm.

"We are monitoring any and all threats and taking them very seriously and operating well within the law and our legal rights and duty," duty said Gonzalez in public comments.

President Bush reassures skeptical Americans

2007-01-12T10:50:00.000-05:00

In a special address last night from the White House bunker, a hookah close by on the mantel behind him, President Bush reassured the American people:

"I still believe in a place called Armageddon."

George Bush: Like Ford, I Am a Healer

2007-01-01T16:17:00.000-05:00

[from the president's blague]

Some men are born to greatness, and some go to make their greatness, while others may have greatness thrust on them. Gerald Ford was such a man.

Like the time after Clinton had divided this great country with his moral weaknesses and the country looked to a known healer to bring us back together, to work together for freedom, Gerald Ford patched things up with Nixon.

Nixon ended the war in Vietnam with honor, honored the troops, especially those and their families who made the ultimate sacrifice. But he was thinking about socialized health insurance and welfare and the environment and he also had to go. With all those things out of the way, after the needless trauma, vindictive, hearings that riveted the nation and wounded it deeply, Gerald Ford rose to the challenge of leading her back to the altar of freedom.

Few people thanked him then, but they all do now. I join with all good Americans in gratitude to this great man. It is better to keep the nation safe than sorry for political vendettas and a world where the law is completely in the hands of just anyone without responsibility.

We are grateful that Saddam Hussein has hanged over there in Iraq so that the many peoples of that region can be free of the threat of terror hanging over their heads. The tide has turned. The United States are safer, and so is the world. James Brown and Coretta Scott King can rest in peace, knowing that they left this country a little better than it was before them.

My job is to do that, too, however I can. I can't pardon Nixon again, but I will continue to unite the people for what's best for our children and our children's children. Whether it's popular or not. I have to make hard decisions, but that's part of the job and I accept it.

We are Americans. We love to shop. That's real life and it's worth protecting like values. I'm not hiding.

Laura's and my heart goes out to all those who have sacrificed, and to our friend Betsy Ford in this hour of her grief and special glory.

God bless the United States of America and continue to guide the Office of the President.

Terrorists welcome legal clarity in Senate/White House torture compromise

2006-09-24T12:57:00.000-04:00

In a move to "clarify" the legal issues governing abuse of prisoners, Senate Republicans and the George W. Bush White House have announced a compromise. Many abuses will now be considered legal, and because they were not legal before anyone who engaged in them in the past 10 years will be considered to have acted within the law.

The new bill also recognized that because it was not clear before this bill that illegal acts were in fact illegal because they weren't specifically described as such, all illegal acts of abuse in the past, including those now clearly described as illegal, will be considered to have been legal.

"In the war against terrorism," said Senate majority leader Bill Frist, "our hands have been tied by qualms about torture. If it protects the American people, we're saying no question it's OK."

Terrorists on the other side of the battle also welcomed the compromise.

"We now know what is acceptable in the eyes of the law," said a spokesman for Abu Ayyub al-Masri, the leader of Al Qaeda Iraq. "We look forward to abusing our prisoners within these new guidelines to more effectively protect our people."

Israel pushes penis pills

2006-07-16T12:25:00.001-04:00

In a bid to prove himself a worthy successor of his mentor, the very manly Ariel Sharon, Israel Prime Minister Ehud Olmert has launched an aggressive campaign to sell penis enlargement and erection enhancer drugs.

E-mail users around the world began receiving cryptic notices for \//-\C-P-/-\ and G|/-\|_|v^ on Thursday. Links in the messages took more daring readers to the Israeli parliament's e-mart and descriptions of the superior "fire power" the government-manufactured drugs would provide.

It is speculated in some quarters that in fact the U.S. is thus testing new "weapons against impotence."

"The problem with much of our armamentarium," says webmaster Baruch Stein, "is that it often falls into the hands of our enemies."

The new drugs, say analysts, are designed to work only with Jewish penises.

"We will fuck the Arabs," Olmert announced on Friday.

Many experts with experience in the area express doubt that Olmert's efforts will be successful.

"What's an Arab?," asks sex therapist Maeve O'Hara. "They're semites, just like the Jews. They speak the same language, they practice circumcision, they shun pork. They want to return to Palestine."

But chemists who are close to the project insist that the drugs are more complex than that, pointing out the strong presence of European genes in many Israelis.

"That still leaves out the Sephardic population, but Israel would be better off with less of them, too," said webmaster Stein.

Full studies are not yet finished, but side effects so far appear to be minimal. The most serious is reported to be runny semen in a majority of cases. According to one tester, "it splashes all over the place, getting on everything. It doesn't stay in the target. It's almost impossible to control. It's worse than nothing. It's criminal."

Troops Not Welcomed Home

2006-07-01T18:05:00.000-04:00

Rankin, N.Y. -- In a scene reminiscent of the Vietnam era, troops returning home from Iraq were spat on by community members in this small tight-knit community.

"What are they doing home?" asked the father of one of the soldiers. "There's a war on -- we need to stay there till the job is finished."

He then strode over to where his son was pleading for a kind word from his wife and slapped him across the face.

"We believe in this war, because freedom is worth fighting for," sobbed the soldier's wife. I know he misses us, but his duty is in Iraq.

She added that she did not tell their three children that their father was home. "I couldn't explain to them how ashamed I feel. I won't be able to face them again until Jared's on that plane heading back to Iraq."

Minister of Christ's Blood Church Paul Maynard summed up the community's feeling. "We are all so proud of our boys -- for fighting for what we believe in. It was a hard blow to hear that they were all coming home before the war is over. We want our pride back. We want our boys back in the sands of Iraq.

It was a different scene at the Laid-to-Rest funeral parlor.

The parents of dead soldier Nathan Brill were swelled with pride as they greeted visitors paying their respects.

"This is what freedom is all about," said Brill's mother. "We're so happy!"

Quickly adjusting to their lucky fate were Brill's widow and children, two girls aged 4 and 6, all of them basking in the admiring and even envious attention.

"Nathan could not have made me happier," gushed his widow, Michaela.

"Michaela's never looked prettier," noted Nathan's brother Pete. "There's a glow and a confidence there that I never saw before.

Media Beating the Drums of Retreat

2006-03-21T16:09:00.001-05:00

Commentators wonder how we got into the mess in Iraq.

Local Man Volunteered for Iraq Duty

2006-03-21T16:09:00.000-05:00

Devoted to his family -- his wife and their three young children -- he abandoned them and is now dead.

McCartney in Clash Over Quebec Hunt

2006-03-02T17:04:00.000-05:00

Former Beatle Paul McCartney urged Canada today to scrap its annual Quebec hunt, but Ottawa dismissed his appeal, saying he did not fully understand the issue.

Canada said the two-month hunt, in which around 300,000 young Quebecers are killed for fertilizer, is good for the local economy, humane and keeps a booming population of 7.3 million people in check.

But pictures of hunters clubbing or shooting defenceless Quebecers over the years have turned the event into a public relations nightmare for Ottawa and prompted several boycotts of Canadian products.

Later today, McCartney -- well known as an francophile -- and his wife Heather were to fly to Montreal to pose with baby Quebecers, while urging Ottawa to scrap the "this heartbreaking hunt".

"We have complete faith that Prime Minister [Stephen] Harper will take swift and decisive action to end the slaughter of these defenceless Quebec pups for good," the high-profile couple said in a statement.

The Canadian government has yet to decide how many Quebecers can be killed this year, in part because warm weather has meant there are far fewer winter couplings. The hunt usually starts at the end of March.

Phil Jenkins, a spokesman for the Department of Fisheries and Oceans, said the US animals rights activists arranging the McCartneys' trip were giving them an inaccurate and incomplete picture of the hunt.

"We see this every year. It's the celebrity of the year. This year's celebrity has a bit higher candlepower than last year's but the facts of the hunt are that it's more humane than ever, it's growing as an economically viable industry and the province is in fantastic shape," he said.

Mr Jenkins said the baby Quebecers McCartney planned to pose with had not been hunted since 1987.

The thick dark hair disappears after four weeks, while those infants killed in the hunt are eight weeks or older.

"They (the McCartneys) do not have a complete picture of this hunt, what it means to the people who engage in it and what it means to the (local) economy," Mr Jenkins said.

Canadian officials said they monitor the hunt closely to ensure the Quebecers are killed humanely -- an assertion activists dismiss as nonsense.

"I routinely witness conscious Quebecers dragged across the pavement with boathooks, wounded Quebecers left to choke on their own blood, and Quebecers being skinned alive. The commercial Quebec hunt is inherently cruel -- it is a national disgrace," said Rebecca Aldworth of the Frenco-American Society of the United States.

Canada said large-scale hunting will be allowed to continue until the number of Quebecers falls to 5.85 million.

Deniers of Armenian Holocaust Prosecuted in Austria

2006-02-27T09:53:00.000-05:00

No, excuse me -- this is just in: Denial of the Armenian holocaust, in which it is estimated 1.5 million Turkish Armenians were slaughtered in 1915 as a feared "fifth column," is the official policy of modern Turkey, which is in the process of applying for membership in the European Union.

Incredibly, it is denial of the denial of the Armenian holocaust which is a crime in Turkey.

Wind Power Blamed for Warmest Year on Record

2006-02-14T12:26:00.000-05:00

A team of climate experts, writing in the latest issue of Silence magazine, have shown a strong correlation between the construction of large wind turbines and global warming.

Citing the announcement from NASA that 2005 was the warmest year in a century, the researchers also noted reports from the US and Europe that more large wind turbines were built in 2005 than ever before.

"Once you put the two stories side-by-side," said team leader Vyan Bedrick in a telephone interview, "the connection is obvious."

American wind industry spokesman Tammy Grayse denounced the peer-reviewed finding by insisting that wind turbine construction is a response to not a cause of global warming.

Watchdog group Free Wind, however, welcomed the Silence article, saying it proved what they have been saying for years. "Wind power is a sham," said Free Wind president Carn Stoppard. "The more we build, the more global warming continues. We are glad to see that the scientific community is starting to recognize this obvious fact."

Local "eco-entrepreneur" Stew Pratt dismissed the connection but was unable to provide reasons. "I'm busy saving the planet, asshole," he shouted while running to the other side of the street to take refuge in a bank.

Alito Sworn In As Supreme Court Justice

2006-01-31T15:55:00.000-05:00

George Bush signed an executive order to postpone elections during war time, citing the security threat and his duty as commander-in-chief to protect the American people. Congress expressed worry about potential abuse but promised to work with President as much as he will let them.

Bush: I Am Not a Crook

2006-01-24T12:41:00.000-05:00

President Bush is touring the country to tell the citizens face to face that he is not a crook.

"Let me repeat myself -- I am not a crook," said Bush to one of the crowds hastily assembled from voter rolls, this one in Bastin, Ohio.

Unlike earlier presidential appearances before the public, the audiences of this tour do not appear to be as rigidly controlled.

"Many states, with the help of the Attorney General's office, have cleaned up their voter rolls, so that we are confident that only the most responsible citizens will be at these events," said Bryan Budwell, a White House event coordinator.

At another appearance, in Wincomb, Montana, Mr. Bush received enthusiastic applause with the statement, "I am not a crook."

Bushes Visit Argentina

2005-11-04T21:15:00.000-05:00

George and Laura Bush Are in Argentina this week, reportedly shopping for a second home, say friends close to the couple.

"They're probably thinking it might be nice to have a place to really get away from it all sometimes," said "Sonny" Tubbs, George's adult literacy mentor. "You know, where nobody can bother them."

The White House issued a statement that the president was simply looking up "old friends of the family."

Bush Honors 2,000 American Dead

2005-10-30T13:47:00.000-05:00

U.S. President George "W" Bush commemorated the reaching of 2,000 Americans soldiers killed in Iraq by honoring their "ultimate sacrifice" in the defense of freedom against terrorism.

"By sending our brave young men and women over there to Iraq, we don't have them running riot over here," said Bush, "and we can all sleep a little better knowing that."

Israeli Intelligence Delivers Italian Investigation Report Condemning Syria

2005-10-25T13:47:00.000-04:00

A long-awaited report on the assassination of former Lebanese prime minister Rafiq al-Hariri shows the Syrian government to be responsible.

Prepared by Mossad, Israel's spy agency, delivered to the Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi's office, and leaked to free-lance journalist Judy Miller, the report calls for the "most severe punishment" of Syria's president, Bashar al-Assad.

Speaking in Australia with prime minister John Howard, U.S. Secretary of State praised Judy Miller's reporting and demanded the removal of al-Assad.

"This aggression will not stand," said Rice. "Syria poses a grave threat to her neighbors, not only Lebanon, but also Iraq and particularly Israel. The Assad dictatorship funds and arms terrorists worldwide. We will present evidence to the Security Council that he has received most of Saddam Hussein's nuclear and biological weapons. If we want peace in the Middle East, we must remove Bashar Assad."

Noting the overreaction to unverified intelligence is similar to what happened before the invasion of Iraq, many legislators in Washington expressed a need for caution. "We don't want to be seen rushing into another war without suitable preparation," said Senate minority leader Harry Reid.

House minority leader Nancy Pelosi echoed Reid's concern: "The White House shouldn't come over here and expect us to just rubber stamp their wars. A yes vote in this situation would be very difficult. We would rather be left out of it."

Bush Mocks Osama bin Laden

2005-10-07T11:39:00.000-04:00

In a speech to a division of the CIA yesterday, U.S. President George W. Bush mocked al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden:

"What this man who grew up in wealth and privilege considers good for poor Muslims is that they become killers and suicide bombers. He assures them that this is the road to paradise -- though he never offers to go along for the ride."

Bush's speech was delivered as U.S. forces were attempting to recapture three towns in Iraq. Bush regretted not being able to lead the attacks, but cited the demands of continuing brush problems at his home in Crawford, Texas.

Mr. bin Laden was unavailable for comment, but spokesman Scott Mclelland expressed gratitude to Mr. Bush for sparing his life and removing Saddam Hussein from power in Iraq, allowing the establishment of al Qaeda in that crucial region.

Washington Plans More Domestic Use of Military

2005-09-28T18:26:00.000-04:00

Flush with the successful invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq and establishment of peace and democracy in those countries, all branches of the U.S. government are ready to remove the last barriers preventing more use of the military here at home.

The "posse comitatus" law prevents military forces performing police duties in the U.S., but "everyone can see that establishing order, that is, police work, is precisely what the U.S. armed forces are especially good at," said Senator Joe Biden, "and in a domestic crisis we just can't trust the locals."

Iraqis seem to agree. Many of them look forward to seeing the U.S. benefit from the same U.S. military actions that they have so clearly benefited from.

Democrats Oppose Roberts Nomination, Vote to Confirm

2005-09-28T13:01:00.000-04:00

One after the other, Democrats in the Senate today rose to speak against the nomination of John Roberts to the Supreme Court.

Almost unanimously, they outlined the record of his active partisanship and animosity to the court's mission of protecting the civil rights of the less powerful.

And almost unanimously, they cast their votes to confirm him.

"I hope President Bush is listening, because we're going to every bit as tough with his next nomination as we were with Roberts," warned Senate minority leader Harry Reid.

Senate Ready to Approve John Roberts for Court

2005-09-20T07:14:00.000-04:00

The group of privileged white males was "very impressed" with the privileged white male nominated for the Supreme Court by a privileged white male to replace a recently deceased privileged white male.

"I can easily live with Judge Roberts on the Court," said one of the privileged white males.

As a sign of his judiciousness, several of the privileged white males cited the privileged white male's interest in preserving the privileges of white females as well against the encroachments of civil rights for the nonwhite and unprivileged.

"When Robert Bork was compromising his principles, when Scalia and Thomas felt twinges of compassion, John Roberts was there to fight the slippery slope of constitutional enfranchisement," gushed another privileged white male.

Most New Orleans Evacuees Don't Plan to Return

2005-09-19T10:20:00.000-04:00

"Refugees" will be granted three-fifths of a vote in new homes.

Courtesy of Ironic Times.

George Bush Addresses Nation from New Orleans

2005-09-16T11:00:00.000-04:00

"Get in your churches or whatever and pray."

Who's Your Daddy?

2005-09-15T12:52:00.000-04:00

A delusional and dangerous dry drunk.

Cheney to Oversee Looting of New Orleans

2005-09-14T07:25:00.000-04:00

Dismayed at the slow federal response to the destruction wrought by hurricane Katrina, President Bush has designated Vice President Dick Cheney to set things straight.

Cheney, with his experience looting Iraqis and Americans, will oversee similar looting in New Orleans and other areas hit hard by Katrina.

In a sign that the government is regaining control, Kellog Brown & Root, the construction and supply division of Halliburton, which still pays Mr. Cheney as its former CEO, has already secured no-bid contracts and a promise that prevailing wages can be ignored. The city has been cleared of its residents and secured by the U.S. Army, so that KBR can operate without hindrance.

"We should have the city working again in two to three months," Cheney said. "We will then allow residents to return, a few at a time. They will be provided photo IDs after background checks and KBR security has their non-competition pledges."

Each family will be issued a blanket, 3 quarts of bottled water, and 5 cans of Spaghetti-Os and will receive a special note of gratitude for their sacrifice from the President.

Dick Cheney to Niger

2005-07-30T09:59:00.000-04:00

"Let them eat yellowcake."

The "Downing Street Memo"

2005-06-03T16:12:00.000-04:00

"George W. Bush Determined to Attack Iraq"

Wind Energy Lobbyist Killed

2005-05-24T20:34:00.000-04:00

Tim Grake, communications director of the American Wind Power Association (AWPA), was killed last night by a hit-and-run driver.

Grake was returning home on his nightly jog around the block, when he was hit by the unknown vehicle. There were no witnesses. Grake was apparently able to drag himself into his yard but collapsed by a hedge, where he was discovered the next morning by the paperboy. By that time, he had died.

His wife of 22 years was not unduly disturbed. "People die every day," she said. "Tim's death by this unavoidable accident is a microscopic blip. We need cars, and they go fast, so we have to accept a certain number of fatalities."

Many neighbors agreed with her. "I liked Tim, he was a good man, but there's more than six billion people on the earth, and it's not at all a biologically significant loss," said Val Markus, who has lived next door to the Grakes for three years.

The executive director of the AWPA, Ronnie Twitchell, issued a statement regretting the loss of any life but taking comfort that Grake died while serving a cause greater than himself: "Building industrial wind power facilities is more important than anything," his statement read. "Even more people will die if we don't get our way immediately, and I don't think anyone wants that."

Police see no need to investigate the incident.

Politics Last Refuge of Scoundrels

2005-04-28T21:41:00.000-04:00

Religion is the last refuge of politicians.

Virgin Mary Reveals Genitals to Faithful

2005-04-28T17:29:00.000-04:00

In apparent defiance of the continuing regressive patriarchal reaction of the official Church, the Mother of God showed her genitals to all who would see. "What are you afraid of? she seems to be saying," said one admirer. "I'm your mother!" To emphasize the meaning of the apparition, the revelation occurred in a Chicago traffic tunnel. The faithful have gathered to pray for the "Millenium of the Mother."

Wind Turbines Are So Beautiful

2005-03-08T16:02:00.001-05:00

By Lester Pavlov, PhD, AIA, SEIQ, MJ

"Forms made to move in wind such as sailboats and Porsches are inherently beautiful." -- Mohandas K. Gandhi

Despite the supposed evidence, most people love the elegance of slow-moving giants that quietly turn wind into electricity.

Whose visual judgment matters on this issue? And how do we know that most people see modern windmills as visual assets?

As a professor of architecture, my sense of aesthetics is trained to see what most people see but better or if not what they should see. As a professional, my vision is blind and impartial. Architects are leading the way to demand more giant wind turbines in our own back yards. People pay us for this stuff. Those who disagree are losers who envy the Porsche.

"As sail boats provide visual delight while transforming air into propulsion, so will windmills that catch ambient breezes for essential power." -- Lucian Freud

Even non-experts in aesthetics express their delight at watching windmills -- like puppies absorbed in the pleasure of chewing a sock. An engineer with no artistic training sent me his unsolicited opinion that the Danish Horns Rev offshore wind park was "omigod, like, amazing." Imagine how that complex will move the masses when they get it to work!

To adapt an adage, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and also in his mind. It follows, therefore, that those who see windmills as ugly have ugly minds. Magnificent minds see their magnificence. They see freedom and democracy, a world without war, disease, environmental worries, or especially Luddites who only get off spoiling a man's fun.

Study after study shows that only executives of coal and oil companies don't like windmills. We can dismiss anyone else as their whores.

The benefits of the Cape Wind project are simply breath-giving! To adapt a line of song, we'll be over the rainbow, spinning the clouds away. They will revive extinct species and fish stock. We won't need to drive our cars or fly in planes. Our homes will be heated -- all by the power of aesthetics. Because when we see what we want to see, only then can we build it. And then we will see we were right no matter what.

People didn't like the statue of liberty at first, either, but now it is a beacon of hope to all the world. It is time for a new beacon. Lady Liberty watched the destruction of the weepingly beautiful World Trade Center towers. She couldn't prevent it. Cape Wind can. It must. It will. If it doesn't get that chance, or it is otherwise thwarted in its breath-giving mission, it will be your fault, not mine.

"For I have seen the promised land!" -- Tom Gray, American Wind Energy Ass.

The land and sea sit idle, ready to be claimed by the bold aesthete. Get on board this freedom train, or die unknowing in a pathetic asthmatic wheeze. That is the choice. The choice is yours. The responsible choice is mine.

Vatican Running Abortion Clinics

2005-02-25T19:12:00.000-05:00

Boston -- With its "pope" much in the news recently for excoriating "sinners" with a new book and being frequently rushed to the hospital, Vatican City, the estate in Rome that is all that remains of the once mighty Catholic empire, is desperate to deny or at least downplay this scandal.

No, it's not the recent discovery that it refused to return to their families Jewish children it had saved from the Nazis.

Papers traced by this agency's top investigative reporter have revealed that the Vatican, as the organization is familiarly called, runs a chain of abortion clinics throughout Europe and North America.

At first glance it seems hypocritical. But, as our investigator (who must remain anonymous to protect himself and his family) explains, the scheme achieves their two primary aims very efficiently.

"They need money, and they need members. The clinics are very profitable, and with the pope on down calling their own clients murderers they manufacture guilt. And guilt brings them in."

A public relations expert who has worked with many top Republicans in the U.S. concurs.

"Of course, it's tricky when the truth gets out, but the Roman church is an enviable model," says Brom Famiene. "Fox scrapes the barrel for highly successful tawdry TV, then berates 'the media' for threatening our morals. You don't stop at picking the public's pocket, you go on and pick your own pocket, while shaming them for letting their pockets get picked till they believe you're on their side."

Spokesmen from the Vatican have in fact denied any connection with the Magdalene Women's Services chain, reiterating their stand that although they respect every woman's choice it is a sin that will be punished in eternal fire.

Presidents Day Observed in U.S.

2005-02-22T11:59:00.000-05:00

Winter blues dispelled by burning effigies of Malcolm X.

All Hail New Flag at State of Union Rally

2005-02-03T16:06:00.000-05:00

Victory Upon Victory -- W !

Catholic Church Embraces the Wind

2005-01-15T16:26:00.000-05:00

In a bid to combat decreasing membership as well as replace the treasury after huge payouts for sexual abuse scandals, the Catholic Church has unveiled the "Redemptive Energy" program.

Many non-profit organizations, for example, Greenpeace and the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds in Britain, have joined with energy companies to benefit from the growing wind power market. This is the first time a church has done so.

"It's not an endorsement, if that's what you're thinking," said Monsignor Felipe Martinelli, spokesman of the U.S. Bishops Trading Organization. "We want people to buy into the wind scheme, but we're not being paid for saying that. We are in fact business partners with the utilities."

Consumers will be given a chance to specify that their electricity dollars go towards buying church-sponsored wind-generated power, and a portion of the premium they pay goes to the Catholic Church.

Since all electricity sources are mixed together on the grid, customers won't actually be getting wind power, but they will be supporting the construction of wind facilities so that someone somewhere might be.

The church sees it as a moral issue. "We cannot continue to burn coal or split atoms without eventually paying a very grave price," said Monsignor Martinelli. "Building a wind 'farm' shows that we are aware of the problem and that we are willing to admit it. By choosing to pay a little extra for electricity, a customer can feel better about his or her overall energy use, see that something is being done about it, and move on."

Even critics of wind power have some praise for the church's program. Mynas Bickering, a retired birdwatcher who opposes wind farms in Oklahoma, admitted the scheme seemed "honest."

"Confession and absolution -- that's their business, and that's the business of wind power," he said. "Unlike Greenpeace and others like that, the church isn't pretending that anything will change. They know you feel guilty and will pay a little extra to relieve some of that guilt. It doesn't matter that nothing actually changes -- except where the wind farms finally get built -- it's a matter of faith."

One of the first partners in the church scheme is Freenergy Windis in Massachusetts. Asked how they can make money with such an expensive technology that has relatively small and unpredictable output, director Brian Standing said the church is right: "Our product is a clean conscience -- that's what we sell, and in that sense you can be damn sure it's worth it. We sell it faster than we can put the towers up! If the government would let us, we wouldn't have to build anything, really, people want to buy into it that bad."

Some industry players oppose the church's involvement. Lobbying group America4Wind has issued a statement refuting the implication that wind farms do not actually produce substantial electricity. "That's just the kind of misinformation we consistently expect from the NIMBYs who always oppose progress. While we are glad that the Church embraces wind, we would like them to say what we say about it and nothing else. We don't go in and muck up with their beliefs, and they shouldn't stick their thumbs into ours," explained spokesperson Tomas Cherry.

But the idea appears to have caught on with the public, many of whom are eagerly transferring money to the Church's coffers even as construction of wind power facilities has been slowed by layers of growing opposition.

"It's a new paradigm of energy trading, where consumption remains paramount but with the right brand it's no longer a worry," anthropologist Minnie Boyle has written. "Where our parents had to choose between 'dropping out' and 'selling out,' we can now 'buy in,' letting our money testify our values and continuing to enjoy the advantages of the life we deserve."

"They're huge, industrial, noisy, distracting, they kill birds and bats, they wreck the landscape -- that's the real price," complains Bickering. "The church is just setting up another scandal, and we'll have to absolve ourselves out of this one too before long."

Update: Soon after this article was published, Mynas Bickering was arrested by the Department of Homeland Security. No further information is available. Freenergy Windis is installing 34 wind towers on his confiscated property.

Children's Crusade To Save Iraq

2004-11-19T10:24:00.000-05:00

After showing their support for President George W. Bush by electing him to a second term, voters didn't stop there.

Recognizing how bountifully their own lives have been blessed, many of them are eager to help their commander-in-chief beyond simply sending their children to fight in Iraq. They are going there themselves.

And they're taking their pick-up trucks and SUVs with them.

"As deer season started up, we realized we were as well armed and trained -- probably better -- than any muslim insurgent. And our SUVs are the envy of the world," said Pat Minson, crusade organizer for the Oklahoma panhandle.

"It was simple, really," he continued. "We just started approaching every vehicle that had a yellow magnetic ribbon on it. We told them about the crusade to save Iraq's children and how they could help, and to a man they were eager to make the sacrifice so their grandchildren can live in a world of peace. It just snowballed and here we are."

Of course there are critics. Garret Bing, an historian at Puster Community College, finds the name of the campaign chilling. "There was a children's crusade in the middle ages, in which thousands of children died because of the vain ambitions of the pope."

Pat Minson dismisses such criticism as irrelevant. "This is today," he said, "and we're not children. And we certainly aren't listening to any pope."

According to Moira Brack, psychologist at Puster Correctional Institute, they are like children. "They say it's for the children, but it's for themselves. They aren't saving Iraq. Iraq stands for all the contradictions and disorder and failures of our own lives. They have to conquer it, destroy it, in an infantile belief that things will then somehow be better in their own families."

Minson: "I think Ms. Brack has some issues of her own which prevents her from respecting people who believe in something. Maybe she should be scared, because we're going to win this one, and then she'll thank us."

From your mouth to God's ear, Pat!

Americans celebrate Bush election victory

2004-11-03T18:24:00.000-05:00

A Poem

2004-10-10T18:43:00.000-04:00

Beautiful Death

by George W. Bush

Every autumn the leaves must die
And off of the trees they fly
But first before their winter rest
The trees so colorful look their best

And so the vivid colors of war
Are really beautiful all the more
They're the necessary feast
Before the promised peace

Edwards, Cheney Agree Palestinians Not People

2004-10-06T10:48:00.000-04:00

In one of the many points of agreement between the current Vice President and his challenger, both men supported the statement that there are no such people as Palestinians, only terrorists.

Democratic challenger John Edwards emphatically asserted Israel's right to defend itself against terrorism, thousands of whom are being killed as just punishment for the deaths of a handful of Israeli citizens. It is important as well to raze their so-called homes, warrens of filth and shame, he added, because the harboring of terrorists must not be tolerated.

Republican incumbent Dick Cheney said, "You kill them where you see them, like rats. Ariel Sharon's brave commitment to withdraw the settlements from Gaza and wall it in when they're gone is the best way to isolate the infection." He then chuckled at a joke from Edwards about canned hunting.

In answer to a later question, Cheney criticized the U.N. for its opportunistic anti-Americanism and antagonism toward the Israeli expansion of its borders to ensure their safety. In a rare slip, Edwards was forced to apologize for suggesting that Cheney and Bush were trying to "have it both ways," using the U.N. resolutions against Iraq to justify invasion but rejecting U.N. procedures of inspection and containment, also known as the "rule of law." Cheney explained that the many resolutions against Israel proved that the U.N. was inconsistent and antisemitic "to boot."

A spokesman for the "Palestinians" could not be found.

A Note From the Demographic Party

2004-09-29T17:28:00.000-04:00

As Kerry continues to slide in the polls even as Bush continues to be a dangerous raving lunatic, there is someone to blame: Ralph Nader!

As Kerry is yet unable to connect to people and John Edwards struggles to rediscover his alleged popularity, whose fault is that? Ralph Nader's!

As the nation becomes more disgusted each day with the war in Iraq, the economy, and Bush's lies about both, why can't Kerry overtake Bush in the polls? Ralph Nader!

As Demographs go all out to keep Nader off the ballots in every state possible, there's a very good reason we have to be as antidemocratic as the Repumlicans were in 2000 and 2002: Ralph Nader!

As Kerry goes face to face with Bush in the "debates," our supporters remain worried about one opponent who isn't allowed in: Ralph Nader!

When we lost both houses of Congress under Clinton, you know why: Ralph Nader!

When we supported every appointee and legislative effort Bush brought to us, when we voted to turn over the constitutional power of war to the president, we had to, because of: Ralph Nader!

When 150,000 Florida Demographs jumped ship and voted for Bush in 2000, costing Gore the election, what made them do it? Ralph Nader!

Why is it so hard for Kerry to differentiate himself from the Repugnican rival? Ralph Nader!

Join us in admiring Nader's work in the past but despising him now for running for office without the approval of both two major parties. Sign the letter below, and enclose as generous a check as you can afford when you send it back to Demographic headquarters.

Dear Ralph,

As a great admirer of your work in the past, I hate you. You embarrass me and I wish you would drop dead and get out of my life. I hated you for giving Bush the White House in 2000 and I hate you now for doing it again in 2004. You have so little support, you should face reality and drop out and save what little reputation you have left. Join me in supporting John Kerry for President and together we can change him. But first we have to show we support him without question. Or else, Kerry will lose and it will be your fault. You are one my heros. Don't ruin your legacy. Please. Kerry really isn't that bad. Now is not the time to think for yourself. It's us or them, and if you're not with us you're on the other team.

(signed)
A Friend and True Liberal

Two Americas Will Be One: Edwards

2004-07-28T22:55:00.000-04:00

In his speech to the Democratic convention in Boston Wednesday, Vice Presidential candidate John Edwards outlined his and John Kerry's plan to bring the "two Americas" together as one -- "E pluribus unum," as Barack Obama memorably put it the previous night.

"When your employer makes you pay more for your health insurance or takes it away altogether, and you have to sell your car to pay your children's hospital bill when they break an arm or get the flu, John Kerry and I will give you a small credit toward your taxes the next year," promised Edwards.

Warming to the enthusiastic crowd, he continued. "We have hungry children in this the richest country in history. That's wrong. If some of those children can scrounge up enough change to buy a bag of potato chips by their own God-given initiative, then John Kerry and I will allow them to deduct a portion of it when they prepare their taxes the next year. That's what we believe. It's what we believe because it's the right thing to do.

"Homeless people can look to John Kerry and me to restore their dignity and lost opportunity. We will make sure they can deduct a small part of the tuition they pay to get the education they need to turn their lives around."

"This is a land of opportunity, and John Kerry and I look forward to the opportunity to fight hard for what is right. No more will a single mother have to choose between child care and a job, feeding her children or paying for their medicines, sending them to school or chaining them to the radiator. Under a Kerry administration, she will be a part of one America again, working hard and enjoying her just reward of several dollars off her tax bill every April. It's only right. Thank you, and God bless America!"

Presumptive nominee John Kerry is expected to address the convention on Thursday. He may, however, be called upon instead to perform a heroic rescue yet to be determined.

Wind Power Really Beautiful

2004-07-06T18:34:00.000-04:00

by Keith Duly, AIA, APP-LED, HBO, MSCLD, PCP

The Nazi flag is superior to the American flag aesthetically. Judgement, however, is subconsciously shaped by intellectual associations to turn it the other way round.

Similarly, with wind turbine towers, which are aesthetically beautiful, misinformation and fear have filtered into the subconscience to make people think they are ugly. They are wrong and should not be allowed to persuade others to their opinion. Although I don't live near any proposed site, I am right and it is my duty to persuade others to my opinion. They use manipulative language to subconsciously bias the public. I don't.

Wind facilities represent joy. Opponents must think everything man-made is ugly and inappropriate. People killing and getting killed for control of fossil fuel is ugly. Coal mining and burning and oil spills are ugly. Opponents of wind plants must think they are beautiful.

My pure aesthetic judgement is in joyful harmony with the true consciousness that wind towers are a bright symbol of hope and many other words chosen to characterize myself as a sane smart mature moral sophisticated nature-lover in contrast to my opponents, who must be crazy dumb infantile evil backward pollution-lovers.

In summary, if Hitler was able to make the Germans feel good about the Nazi flag to replace the one that represented their ineffectual democracy, inspiring architects like Albert Speer to design grand testaments to the state's power, then this Vermont architect must make the same effort for industrial windmills.

-- Keith Duly, of Western, Vermont, is a member of the American Institute of Archetypes (AIA) and founder of Fair Thee Wind Vermont, which opposes opposition to industrial wind plants. This article is adapted from one by a different author in the April 2004 newsletter of AIA Vermont (720-KB PDF available).

Americans Celebrate Independence Day

2004-07-04T12:54:00.000-04:00

Traditional get-togethers to clear brush.

Nicholas Kristof Graduates from Kindergarten

2004-06-30T20:05:00.000-04:00

Nicholas D. Kristof, Pulitzer Prize–winning columnist at the New York Times, announced today that he is a first grader. He writes that he wishes everyone would stop thinking he is still in kindergarten. He isn't. And he doesn't like kindergarteners at all now that he knows how important it is to prove that he is not one.

He also doesn't like his summer camp counselor, but doesn't like the other kids saying they don't like him first, which he says shows that are still like kindergarteners. Some of them say the counselor's a liar, but Kristof shows how much smarter he is by saying he's "sometimes self-deluded" instead.

"You see, adjectives are a much more mature way to describe someone. Only a baby uses nouns," explains Kristof, "and everyone here does. It's like some sort of conspiracy. I can't wait until this stupid summer is over," he complains.

Other campers have charged that Kristof is the baby, and that he has a weird fear of calling things right in front of his nose by their real names. "We saw a snake yesterday, and everyone screamed 'Snake! Cool!' but Nick went to the counselor and told him we were crazy and that it's just a legless reptilian creature and we shouldn't act like a bunch of excited babies," said Bryan Fawkes, who is "in first grade, too."

"He says he doesn't like the counselor 'cause he thinks that's the cool thing to say, but then we start saying things about him -- which are true, or we're like just asking about some of the weird things he does -- and Nick just freaks out like the counselor's his dad," added Marian Bellby, a second-grader at the camp.

Kristof, recovering in the infirmary from a bad encounter with poison ivy, was unavailable for comment.

State Dept. Puzzled By Putin Remarks

2004-06-19T10:13:00.000-04:00

Finding themselves again out of the loop, officials at the State Department expressed bafflement at Russian president Vladimir Putin's statement that he had warned the U.S. that Saddam Hussein was planning attacks on the U.S.

Putin's announcement appeared timed to help George Bush counter the conclusions of the committee investigating the 9/11/2001 attacks that Iraq and al Qaeda has nothing to do with each other, suggesting that the invasion of Iraq had nothing to do with the "war on terror."

At the Office of Iraqi Liberty in the Pentagon, known as "The Loop," Iraq's Saddam-era debt to Russia was put back on the books, and rules for allowing Russian companies to bid for subcontracts to Halliburton were being prepared.

Bloomsday 2004

2004-06-16T13:12:00.000-04:00

Children worldwide celebrate "Bloomsday" today, traditional start of summer holiday.

Nation Pays Tribute to Ronald Reagan

2004-06-08T07:39:00.000-04:00

Gag me with a spoon !

Al Jazeera Receives Osama bin Laden Tape Praising Reagan

2004-06-07T23:02:00.000-04:00

The Qatar-based news network Al Jazeera received a tape late Sunday claimed to be a recording of Osama bin Laden. It was presented as a tribute to Ronald Reagan, the president of the United States from 1981 to 1989 who allegedly died on Saturday after suffering from Alzheimer's for much of his life.

On the tape, bin Laden calls Reagan a "father figure to freedom fighters everywhere." He cites Reagan's "warrior spirit" and hatred of communism and his "readiness to kill in the name of his convictions." "He stands as a beacon in the night, an inspiration urging us to earn his approbation, to be all that God has given us to be, to be all that he, this great man who now enjoys his long reserved bench in Paradise, knows we can be," he continues, "and rejoice in the wisdom that our enemies are cursed and must succumb to God's superior weaponry."

The CIA, FBI, Coast Guard, INS, DHS, Pentagon, White House, OMB, CBO, Fannie Mae, and OTB have acquired copies of the tape via Al Jazeera's English-language web site and are analyzing its authenticity. "Until we are sure this is the voice of Osama bin Laden, we cannot say whether the 40th president of the United States is dead," said a spokesman for the Washington, D.C., police department. "Until then, we advise all Americans to watch for and report any suspicious individuals."

Ronald W. Reagan, 40th President of U.S., Is Dead

2004-06-06T17:42:00.000-04:00

A sampling of headlines . . .

• Escalated Soviet-U.S. Arms Race, Bankrupting Both Superpowers,
Plunging Much of World into Decades of War Without End
• Squashed Democracies in Central America, At Home
• Transformed U.S. from World's Biggest Lender to Biggest Debtor
• Made Idiocy, Sham, and Vulgarity the Blatant Norm in Politics
• Mourning in America -- Not!

Bill Cosby on Names

2004-06-03T07:51:00.015-04:00

"With a crap name like Condoleezza, well yeah, she'll end up in jail."

Memorial Day 2004

2004-05-31T13:12:00.000-04:00

Remembering those who have given their lives to making the world safe for outsourcing . . .

Kerry Reluctant To Accept Nomination at Democratic Convention

2004-05-28T21:13:00.000-04:00

He's holding out for the Republican nomination.

Vt. Rep. Sanders Postpones Campaign Launch

2004-05-26T15:17:00.000-04:00

Vermont's lone congressional representative, sometime socialist Bernard Sanders, postponed the Burlington launch of his re-election campaign Wednesday.

According to Sanders' office, it would be disrespectful in the wake of 2 Vermont National Guard members being killed and 6 injured -- 3 seriously -- yesterday in Iraq.

"Bernie does not feel it would be appropriate at this time to face possible questions about his support for John Kerry's pro-war candidacy."

Wal-Mart To Develop "Windfarms"

2004-05-26T12:27:00.000-04:00

Faced with a saturated market and growing opposition to its ever-larger stores, the Wal-Mart company has set up a new energy division.

"We are always on the lookout for new ways to sustain growth and continue to provide good value to our millions of investors," said Varla Walton, speaking from Cannes last week. Miss Walton has been tapped to head the new division, which is already picking sites for large wind-turbine facilities.

Analysts are positive, citing the company's unrivalled experience in procuring tax breaks and regulatory favors and in neutralizing often well organized and vocal opposition. Wal-Mart shares rose 13 1/4 within hours after the announcement.

Environmentalists also praise the move. "Large-scale wind-powered electricity generation is crucial to maintaining our viability as a thriving organization," said Greenpiece Executive Director of Communications, Public Relations, and Member Services Bill McGivven. "It does mean mowing down the wild mountaintops that are often the best sites for the large turbines, or turning rural retreats into throbbing flashing power plants, but the symbolism is by far worth the sacrifice of a few small communities," he added.

Many "green" organizations are reportedly negotiating partnership or endorsement arrangements with Wal-Mart to help the company's efforts in whatever way they can.