Statehood quest at U.N.

Binjamin Netanyahu was in New York this week, meeting with European and U.S. officials before his speech to the United Nations General Assembly Friday.

After boasting of having a signet ring with his name on it, Netanyahu announced that he had formally submitted a request to the U.N. to recognize Israel as a "militant Jewish" state that is only 7 miles wide.

Then, he promised, Israel would fully and openly recognize Palestine as a "militant Islamic" state that can not be allowed to exist on Israel's borders.

"Israel is only 7 miles across," Mr Netanyahu kvetched, adding that many Jews were killed in Europe in the last century, culminating centuries of scapegoating and persecution. "So someone please tell me, how can the Jew be the bad guy?" he challenged the audience.

Palestinian Christians and Israeli Muslims were subdued in their responses to his offer.

An Israeli Defense Forces spokeswoman would not reveal where they are being held, but assured reporters that the IDF has provided them a candle in the darkness.

Vegas Law Firm Buys Rights to Govt Communications

It's a twist that could be the turning point in the U.S. government's battle against WikiLeaks. The shady organization run by Aussie Julian Assange -- who is in hiding to avoid arrest under a Swedish miscegenation charge -- must now face copyright complaints in a Nevada court.

Well-known copyright troll Righthaven has bought the copyrights to the material published last week by Wikileaks, and has filed several complaints against Wikileaks in U.S. District Court in Las Vegas.

Each complaint claims harm to Righthaven's right to profit from the now-copyrighted material and demands a default judgment of $150,000, surrender of the WikiLeaks domain name, and payment of attorneys' feed.

Although in previous cases, Righthaven has settled out of court for a few thousand dollars -- with defendants recognizing that it would be even more expensive to prove the charges as spurious -- CEO Steve Gibson promises this case will be different.

"This is about more than defending our property rights and receiving just compensation for the use of our creative work. In this case, it's about defending our freedom," Gibson said.

"Publicizing the workings of our sovereign government so that anyone and everyone can read it is a direct attack on our democracy," Gibson added. "We will not entertain any offer of settlement and look forward to demanding justice in court."

State Department spokesman P.J. Crowley defended the decision to sell its communications to Righthaven.

"Theft of our diplomats' work will not be tolerated as anything less than the anarchic threat to our sovereign rights that it is," Crowley said. "These cables belong to the U.S. government, not to Wikileaks or any other so-called media outlet."

"They are proprietary communications, and they are now copyrighted to protect the free American people from having to see them," he added.

Wikileaks, currently found on the web at http://88.80.13.160, http://213.251.145.96, and http://46.59.1.2, did not reply to calls to explain themselves.

New service doubles your gas mileage

A Vermont entrepreneur has figured out a way to turn the state's mountainous terrain from a gas-mileage detriment into an asset.

Martin Bradford of Essex offers a service to commuters that could double their gas mileage.

A former truck driver, Bradford got his idea last year while driving a load of new cars to a South Burlington dealer: Why not carry commuters in the same way?

"Almost every drive in Vermont is significantly uphill or downhill on balance," Bradford told us in a recent telephone interview. "Wouldn't it be great if you could somehow drive only in the downhill direction?"

In short, commuters who use Bradford's service determine which direction is mostly uphill, and for less than they would have paid for the gas to drive it themselves, Bradford carries them and their cars in a customized trailer.

"The result has been impressive," gushed Phil McBigger, who drives home to Charlotte from work but rides in Bradford's trailer for the morning commute to Montpelier. "My gas mileage has literally doubled! It's a win-win: We still have our freedom, but we can also do so much at the same time to help save the planet."

News shorts, April 2010

1. Supreme Court accepts Catholic Church abuse case

The Catholic Church may have found a way out of its abuse scandals. The United States Supreme Court agreed Friday to hear an appeal based on freedom of religion grounds. The New York Times praised the move, editorializing Saturday that exoneration of the priests would be a welcome triumph for the "respectful treatment of the First Amendment".

2. To save schools, Vermont makes abortion illegal

Putting the public good above a few vocal opponents, the Vermont legislature this week imposed the strictest anti-choice laws in the nation. Lawmakers expect a court challenge, but are confident that the right to a robust public school system overrides other concerns. Alison Clarkson (D—Woodstock) stated, "this is an opportunity for us to recapture -- if decreased enrollment is one of our challenges -- an opportunity ... that really encourages kids to go to school in Vermont". The Burlington Free Press praised the new law, editorializing that women who terminate their pregnancies effectively "abandon public schools and take taxpayer money with them [which] undermines the public schools and multiplies the system's financial challenges". The bill was quickly signed by governor Jim Douglas (R) at a ceremony in Education Commissioner Armando Vilaseca's office.

Vermont legalizes cooties

Despite the tearing of hair, trembling lips, and outright tantrums of opponents, the Vermont legislature today overrode the governor's veto and legalized cooties.

Nervously, proponents of the bill followed the roll call and tallied the votes. But it was too close to be sure, until the speaker read the official count: 100 to 49.

After calling the chamber to order, the speaker adjourned for lunch. He was then seen reaching out to the minority leader and shouting "cooties!" The minority leader waved his crossed fingers in front of him as he recoiled in disgust and horror before fleeing for safety to his clubhouse.

Other legislators and the mobs of supporters followed the speaker's example and chased opponents around the statehouse and through the streets of Montpelier.

One of the leaders in the fight against legalizing cooties, Bill Brosseure, later issued a statement from an undisclosed location that this bill was a disgrace to the very foundation of civilization. "No deer camp will ever be the same", he warned.

The governor explained his veto of such a popular bill as a statement of principle against admitting the possibility that cooties is not something to fear. "On the contrary," he told an AP correspondent, "cooties is the work of the devil and I worry that this bill will drive many young people away to cooties-free places when we are trying so hard to keep them in state where I need to also protect them from a nickel gas tax."

Cooties advocates scoffed. "Cooties is already here. Come September 1, no longer will the right to vote require a hypocritical and much-abused anti-cooties pledge. This will benefit everyone, whether they supported this bill or not."

With the cooties business past them, legislators will next take up a bill revoking the traditional "certificate of heterosexuality" that has long defined marriage in the state.