It’s War !

News of the redirection of impotent fury.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Washington Plans More Domestic Use of Military

Flush with the successful invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq and establishment of peace and democracy in those countries, all branches of the U.S. government are ready to remove the last barriers preventing more use of the military here at home.

The "posse comitatus" law prevents military forces performing police duties in the U.S., but "everyone can see that establishing order, that is, police work, is precisely what the U.S. armed forces are especially good at," said Senator Joe Biden, "and in a domestic crisis we just can't trust the locals."

Iraqis seem to agree. Many of them look forward to seeing the U.S. benefit from the same U.S. military actions that they have so clearly benefited from.

Democrats Oppose Roberts Nomination, Vote to Confirm

One after the other, Democrats in the Senate today rose to speak against the nomination of John Roberts to the Supreme Court.

Almost unanimously, they outlined the record of his active partisanship and animosity to the court's mission of protecting the civil rights of the less powerful.

And almost unanimously, they cast their votes to confirm him.

"I hope President Bush is listening, because we're going to every bit as tough with his next nomination as we were with Roberts," warned Senate minority leader Harry Reid.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Senate Ready to Approve John Roberts for Court

The group of privileged white males was "very impressed" with the privileged white male nominated for the Supreme Court by a privileged white male to replace a recently deceased privileged white male.

"I can easily live with Judge Roberts on the Court," said one of the privileged white males.

As a sign of his judiciousness, several of the privileged white males cited the privileged white male's interest in preserving the privileges of white females as well against the encroachments of civil rights for the nonwhite and unprivileged.

"When Robert Bork was compromising his principles, when Scalia and Thomas felt twinges of compassion, John Roberts was there to fight the slippery slope of constitutional enfranchisement," gushed another privileged white male.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Most New Orleans Evacuees Don't Plan to Return

"Refugees" will be granted three-fifths of a vote in new homes.

Courtesy of Ironic Times.

Friday, September 16, 2005

George Bush Addresses Nation from New Orleans

"Get in your churches or whatever and pray."

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Who's Your Daddy?

A delusional and dangerous dry drunk.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Cheney to Oversee Looting of New Orleans

Dismayed at the slow federal response to the destruction wrought by hurricane Katrina, President Bush has designated Vice President Dick Cheney to set things straight.

Cheney, with his experience looting Iraqis and Americans, will oversee similar looting in New Orleans and other areas hit hard by Katrina.

In a sign that the government is regaining control, Kellog Brown & Root, the construction and supply division of Halliburton, which still pays Mr. Cheney as its former CEO, has already secured no-bid contracts and a promise that prevailing wages can be ignored. The city has been cleared of its residents and secured by the U.S. Army, so that KBR can operate without hindrance.

"We should have the city working again in two to three months," Cheney said. "We will then allow residents to return, a few at a time. They will be provided photo IDs after background checks and KBR security has their non-competition pledges."

Each family will be issued a blanket, 3 quarts of bottled water, and 5 cans of Spaghetti-Os and will receive a special note of gratitude for their sacrifice from the President.