President names pun to take over Iraq command

In an effort to underscore the cynical manner in which he has led the invasion and occupation of Iraq, U.S. President Bush has named a pun to enforce his "new" push to bring "order" to "Baghdad."

Answering the call, General David Betray-us will now shoulder the burden of pretending that Bush's plans in Iraq are working. The selection of Betray-us has not filled critics of the Iraq occupation with confidence.

"Better him than me, though," said most law-makers, when cornered in the executive lavatories trying to wash their hands. "Nothing we can do. Give 'em enough rope is still our policy."

In related news, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez admitted yesterday that the Justice Department is maintaining secret dossiers on all members of Congress. He explained that the program is to protect the legislators from harm.

"We are monitoring any and all threats and taking them very seriously and operating well within the law and our legal rights and duty," duty said Gonzalez in public comments.